It’s been a while since my last post, so I’m gonna treat the world to a story nobody wants to hear:

The other day I decided I needed to pee so I rolled out of bed, made my way to the throne, and proceeded to stand there and do my thing. During this momentous occasion I decided I also needed to blow a gigantic fart so I made the requisite push out the back door and… SURPRISE! …more than gas came out.

I wasn’t entirely sure of what had just happened until I saw a nice big glob of Butt Juice on my bathroom rug. It wasn’t a puddle, it wasn’t a streak, it was a glob, like if you were making PB&J and dropped a glob of shit-colored Smucker’s on the floor! So maybe calling it “butt juice” isn’t entirely accurate, but it was pretty fucking nasty.

And that explains why yesterday I bought a fancy new bathroom rug at Costco when I hitched a ride with Ben and his lovely lady friend Brianna, aka BHYB. Incidentally, BHYB asked me if I needed a new bathroom rug because of Terry and, knowing how pissed he would be if I tried to pin this on him, all I could say was ‘uh, not really…’

So now that you’re on the brink of vomiting, here are some semi-recent pics to distract you from the disgusting mental image I just planted in your cranium.

posted by Michael in Whatever on 8/15/2010 | No Comments