Archive for June, 2012

Teetering on the brink

I “officially” quit smoking on March 5th (March 4th in USA) which was 3 months and 20 days ago. Chantix got me over the hump which was relatively easy compared to going cold turkey, and since then I’ve been living as a non-smoker which means I don’t carry cigarettes, I don’t buy cigarettes, and I definitely don’t smoke every day. But I still kind of want to smoke, especially if I have a beer or three!

Things were just fine until I got all stressed over the possibility of some asshole backing out of a deal to buy my website… more on that later when the situation gets resolved… and Terry has unwittingly introduced me to two girls who smoke daily and are therefore bad influences because I’ve bummed cigs off both of them in my ongoing and pathetic attempts to be charming and relatable. I don’t blame them, I blame me, but that dog really needs to start hooking me up with non-smokers.

Since I no longer buy cigarettes I can’t smoke unless one magically appears in my hand. That happened tonite when I looked in what used to be my Smoking Room (the tiny closet in my apartment where the A/C unit is) and I found this old, wrinkled, deformed thing sitting there. It wasn’t in a pack. It was just sitting there and it was kind of dirty. I smoked it! Shit. I’m bad. But that is literally the last cigarette that was in my possession, and the first one I’ve lit up since going on a weird non-date at the Han River about a week ago with this 30-something female and her dog. Terry chaperoned.

posted by Michael in Whatever on 6/24/2012 | No Comments

How to make your website look like it’s super popular even though it’s actually an unknown piece of shit

1. Go to Fiverr and search for Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, or whatever social network you want to look good on.

2. Pay your $5 and wait however long they say it’ll take… usually it’s a day or two.

3. Voila, your website looks like it’s all popular even though it’s definitely not!

I just did this myself for my wacky new website KICKED IN THE BALLS, and in the space of 24 hours I’ve gone from 2 Facebook fans (me being one, my brother being the other) to 1,149 (that cost me $5), from zero Twitter followers to 21,768 ($5), and from maybe 5-6 Pinterest followers to nearly 900 which should be over 1,000 soon ($5).

OMG isn’t that awesome??!! The answer is no, not really. Truth is you get what you pay for, and when you pay $5 you’re gonna get about $5 worth of, uh, stuff. I definitely wasn’t expecting to suddenly get 1,000 legitimate Facebook “likes” overnight, but I was curious about what these people are selling on Fiverr and wanted to give it a try.

So… what ARE they selling? Well, one way to put it is that they’re selling a stuffed bra. It looks good on the surface, but once you reach in there and start groping you’ll find that the Likes and Followers are all bullshit because they come from fake accounts and will never result in any direct sales or traffic spikes. I guess it’s possible that there could eventually be approximately $5 worth of residual benefits because social networking just works that way in general, but as of right now I’m going to declare my $15 investment a giant kick in the balls! See what I did there? If you don’t get it, go check out KICKED IN THE BALLS.

Below is a look at one of the Fiverr deals I bought and the review I posted after the service was delivered.


For google: how to get Facebook likes, how to get lots of Twitter followers, how to get Pinterest followers, Fiverr SEO services

posted by Michael in Whatever on 6/18/2012 | No Comments