Korea seems to have only two liquor laws: (1) don’t drink & drive, and (2) be at least 18-ish before you start getting hammered in public. Law #2 is very loosely enforced.

So Alaska and I were wandering around with Terry, beers in hand, and came upon a baby stroller that had been left out with the trash. Since Alaska’s a big fan of throwing out perfectly good shit (he’s about to throw away a non-stained, non-torn, 8-month old couch), I kind of challenged him to see if the stroller was flawed. He did his best to assess the item’s condition and it turned out the wheels seemed to be stuck in a locked position, but we didn’t really stick around long enough to make a valid effort at fixing the problem… although we did briefly consider trying to sell the unit to our friend Dan whose wife just popped out a baby not too long ago.

If your stroller's busted, don't bother calling Alaska

Note to self: Terry's not a fan of riding in a stroller, so don't even bother

Oh I know, it’s my ticket to fame & fortune… or it’s my ticket to financial ruin! Only time will tell.

Buying this beast was a huge pain in the ass, but it happened today and all it took was an asshole cab driver who drove me right past the place where the transaction was to take place, plus another jackass who was supposed to show up but wound up ditching me, plus about two hours of paperwork hell and intermittent phone calls to the GOA’L office for translation help. Easy, right?!

I own the road! SO GET OUT DA WAY

The view from the cockpit as I drive for the first time in a foreign country

I need to name this thing! And so far this is all I got...

It’s been a while since my last post, so I’m gonna treat the world to a story nobody wants to hear:

The other day I decided I needed to pee so I rolled out of bed, made my way to the throne, and proceeded to stand there and do my thing. During this momentous occasion I decided I also needed to blow a gigantic fart so I made the requisite push out the back door and… SURPRISE! …more than gas came out.

I wasn’t entirely sure of what had just happened until I saw a nice big glob of Butt Juice on my bathroom rug. It wasn’t a puddle, it wasn’t a streak, it was a glob, like if you were making PB&J and dropped a glob of shit-colored Smucker’s on the floor! So maybe calling it “butt juice” isn’t entirely accurate, but it was pretty fucking nasty.

And that explains why yesterday I bought a fancy new bathroom rug at Costco when I hitched a ride with Ben and his lovely lady friend Brianna, aka BHYB. Incidentally, BHYB asked me if I needed a new bathroom rug because of Terry and, knowing how pissed he would be if I tried to pin this on him, all I could say was ‘uh, not really…’

So now that you’re on the brink of vomiting, here are some semi-recent pics to distract you from the disgusting mental image I just planted in your cranium.

Remember that girl who was calling me a pussy as a way of getting me to drink soju, after which I promptly excused myself to go puke in a parking garage? Her name is Hanna and Terry and I ran into her at Bama’s surprise birthday bash for his girlfriend Jenny and, like most ladies, she immediately fell under Terry’s spell… and people wonder why I take him everywhere I go!

L.L. T-Dogg workin' his magic

Here I am in Dad’s basement again, less than six months after moving back to Korea! The main purpose of this pilgrimage is to head up to Wisconsin with dad & bro for our (3rd?) annual dad’s-birthday-fishing-trip, but first things first!

Korean food is great, but it's hard to compete with 9 inches of hot, juicy beef

Meanwhile, Jane and her newly-wed husband Dae-Han are entertaining Terry until I get back… or maybe he’s entertaining them? So far the reports are good, ie: he’s not pissing on them or chewing on family heirlooms. I never really thought he would, but he had never been to their apartment before I dropped him off on the way to the airport so I was only 99% sure he wouldn’t wig out! Looks like all is well in Terryland.

Doesn't matter whose house he's in... the bed belongs to Terry and that's that

Passing out on the sidewalk, that is! And this one was literally about 10 feet from the spot where that other guy was sprawled out.

Sorry, it’s all I got. Everyday life just ain’t that interesting so I go around taking pictures of crap with my iPhone and occasionally my digital camera which I usually don’t carry around with me.

As for what I’ve been up to lately… ummm… I just rewrote my resume and packed it with wild exaggerations and outright lies, and then I sent it to a bunch of recruiters for private teaching gigs in an effort to supplement the billions of dollars my iPhone site is generating. I also accidentally climbed a damn mountain with Terry when I thought we were just gonna wander around at the top of a small hill. That hill turned out to be 1000 feet high.

Other than that I’ve just been putting a lot of energy into procrastinating on other shit that’s on my to-do list! There are business ideas to put on paper, websites to be retooled, websites to be started, and numerous other things that are really gonna cut into my porn-watching time once I get rolling on them.

Oh yeah, and a video tour of my new-ish apartment is coming soon, and by “soon” I mean “eventually”… no promises on when.

Hey Dad, lemme know if you want a pair and I’ll hook you up!

When a Korean girl pours you a shot of soju, you drink it… especially when you know she’s gonna call you a pussy if you don’t! Even if it means puking in a parking garage, and even if it means spending the next 36 hours curled up in the fetal position on Alaska Jae’s floor.

Sorry, I got no pics of the puking or the girl (she was hot, btw) but here’s a look at Nik’s new favorite place to eat… the “thin meat” restaurant in Kangnam. Good stuff. Oh yeah, and Alaska has recently taken to dressing up Terry with bandanas. It’s just a matter of time before I come home and find my dog wearing a pink tutu.

Some pretty awesome kimchi jjigae coupled with panchan (fish cakes, seaweed, and raw squid) that I could do without. See what LIK is becoming already?

Last week I finally put down a deposit on an apartment but I can’t move in until March 15th! Fuck. Well it’s no big deal… Alaska’s being awesome and letting me invade his space for the next six weeks. After internet service gets turned on tomorrow he’ll be more or less fully set up so his couch will be my office until it’s time to move in.

The apartment I took is the one I posted the floorplan for. It’ll be nice once I clean it up, but that’s gonna be kind of a chore since the current residents seem like they’re even lazier than I am when it comes to housework and that’s saying something. The upside is that I was able to offer the owner a slightly larger deposit and get the monthly rent reduced by ₩100,000! I know, I’m a hardcore negotiator.

Today I averted a laundry crisis by emailing pics of fabric softener and what I thought was laundry detergent to Jisun who informed me that I was about to buy the wrong shit! I highly recommend staying friends with your Korean ex-girlfriend whenever possible.

For the uninitiated, here’s how housing works in Korea:

Put down a deposit which you get back, and also pay rent. The bigger your deposit the lower your rent is, and if you put down a big enough deposit your rent could be zero depending on how nice the place is and where it’s located. Lately, though, nobody seems to want to do the big deposit/no rent deal, probably because interest rates are so bad. The Korean economy tends to follow the U.S. economy, see.

Here’s a look at some places I’ve checked out. Right now, ₩1 million = about US$885 (₩1,130 = $1)

I miss my burritos and Italian Beef, but the food in Korea is pretty fucking great.

Back on LIK, that is… been back in Korea for a good 2 weeks now and Alaska and I are ready to get the hell outta the wifi-less motel! More on that later. Here are some random pics.